Advice
Kim Answers Questions About Life, Love, People and Problems.
Kim is a qualified, registered, practising psychologist who gives people answers to questions about their problems free of charge on Words By Kim.
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wrote on August 20, 2013
at
2:15 pm
My boyfriend has been diagnosed with bipolar and his history is booze and weed ... he is ok sometimes but the smallest movement can set him off and I get the shit from his temper. I used to get in the way but he is pretty rough so I try to bow out graciously.
I have run at the mouth in order to stick up for myself because I was mute for a while in my youth after my first husband left me ... I think it was a breakdown of sorts. I could not find my feeling base and things overwhelmed me. Now I am a bit more cognitive and really seek God in my emotional recovery that's why I think I got led to your site.
I need help dealing with my partner. I am not trying to put the blame on him as there are some awesome things he does for me but he transferring his past onto me ... sometimes things are good and then a fight.
There is one thing he has done since the beginning and that is compare me in a bad way to his ex wife.
I am a performing artist and this woman is a Holistic type that studied herbs, witch craft and crossover Jesus to healing homopathic remedies.
I want to travel study and reach people with the gospel through my songs. I am a songwriter and becoming a signature artist. She wanted to settle on Tasmanian Is. with a community and live hippie dom.
I think their scope of reality is a lot of hocus pocus ... when they talk they fight. I can understand some of this but not at everyone elses expense.
I have a 15 year old son and get to see him on weekends because the father of my boy thought I could not offer him much. He also is abusive and I worry about my son.
My partner thinks I am like his ex. It is not true even if there are characteristics in us that are similar. I am offended by both people. Neither one will come to terms with what is up right now and others suffer because of their neglect and lack of communication.
I really do not like this woman cause I feel her attitude and past abuse issues are being dumped all over me or any other person he has been involved with ... she is hiding and not giving a damn about her abuse and neglect and feeling sorry for herself cause she got hit by him.
Also my partner is not well. He had a vascular haemmorage last Nov and nearly died on me. I desperatly wanted to tell his kids but the letter I wrote got thrown out after he came home from the hospital.
I often wonder if others are trying to break us up??? I esp. wonder if it is her because her trip may be I do not want him but you cannot have him ... I wonder why I feel in the middle?
I thought maybe his ex. got jealous and thought maybe she was in love still but could not handle another woman in his life ... its such an appeasment to her all the time it makes me feel like a mistress. I am so hurt by him putting this anger for her on me.
Thanks for reading this Kim. Do you think my partner is transferring too much onto me?
You have suffered a traumatic brain injury that you think has led to you tending to hook up with people who abuse you but you have a focus and goals of your own. You want to travel, study and serve the Lord with your singing and songwriting and you believe God has equipped you to do that.
Your previous partner, with whom you have a 15 year old son, was abusive and now you are with a man who suffers from bi-polar, uses drugs and alcohol, and abuses you for being like his ex-wife. He fights with his ex-wife but also makes you feel second best by trying to please her. You feel he takes his anger with her out on you and you are wondering what to do about that.
Here is the way it looks to me Rae.
Your partner fights with his ex-wife and he has hit her. He tells you she is a bad person and deserves to be abused. You believe that. Now he is fighting with you and abusing you. He is telling you that, because you are like his ex-wife, you are also a bad person and deserve to be abused. You think he will stop abusing you if you can make him see you are really not like his ex-wife.
You are wrong. He is the problem and, until he is ready to do something about that, nothing will improve.
