It’s day 11 of my 42 day pre-operation diet (POD) and it’s the first day I have not cheated but the day is only half over.
I’m feeling a mixture of things.
Shame because I have given in to temptation over and over again.
Anger towards the surgeon. I just want to yell at him: “HEY – If I could stick to diets and lose the weight myself I wouldn’t NEED the surgery you moron!”
Sadness because eating is the only thing in my life that gives me pleasure these days and now I’m about to lose that too.
Frustration because how come I can’t get control over this aspect of my life?
Doubt – is this really the Lord’s will or am I taking the easy way out?
Today is the first day I have been able to control myself better than usual. I have been controlling myself when it comes to snacking and junk food. I haven’t given in to the temptation to eat crisps, chocolate, lollies, cakes, crackers, ice cream etc. I have just been giving in to the temptation to have meals – not more than two per day but junk meals like fish and chips or pizza.
The surgeon has appointed a nurse to oversee my diet and she called after day seven. I told her I hadn’t been doing too well and she said I can add one piece of fruit and a small salad or steamed vegetable serving to the three meal replacement drinks I’m supposed to be having every day.
I skipped breakfast today and had the meal replacement drink and a small salad for lunch. The plan is to have the same again for dinner and try and get down to just the drinks.
The ability to resist getting Macca’s for breakfast came from the Lord drawing my attention to the need to “crucify the flesh with it’s passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24) so I will be able to “walk in the spirit” (Galatians 5:16).
It came to me during my morning prayer time that God is being very good to me letting me have the surgery. In reality I should be choosing to curb my appetite daily for the rest of my life not looking to surgery to set me free from it.
He pointed out that asking me to “crucify” my flesh for a lousy six weeks is being pretty lenient on me really and it will strengthen my ability to continue to do so after the surgery. I will still need to use restraint even after the surgery so I don’t stretch my stomach and end up back where I started.
Surgery is just going to give me a helping hand to get the weight off initially. Once the healing of my stomach is complete the temptations and problems will all still be there waiting to put me right back where I am today.
It says in the Bible in Romans 8:13 “For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the body you will live.”
I need to practise denying my body because, if I don’t, I will die. My doctor has said so and I can feel that is the truth.
One day at a time. Only 31 more days to go.