Advice
Kim Answers Questions About Life, Love, People and Problems.
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wrote on March 29, 2012
at
2:08 pm
You say you have had a difficult childhood and such a thing tends to leave people with self-esteem problems. Bullies have a radar that lets them home in on people with poor self-esteem. They instinctively know such people will take the blame for what happens or will be too afraid to make a fuss about being treated badly.
People who were treated badly as children tend to have learned to tolerate abuse in silence. They often question and doubt their own instincts and tend to be afraid to demand better treatment. Children who grow up without rights become adults who surrender their rights without even realising they had them in the first place.
Bullying in the workplace is a lot more common than people think and ranges from sly and subtle to outright abuse. It is, in most workplaces, illegal but that does not provide much protection for victims.
The causes of workplace bullying range from thoughtlessness to serious personality disorders or mental illness in the person doing the bullying.
There are a range of strategies you can use with bullies but what stops one bully will only make another type of bully even worse.
One thing, however, is consistent - the bully behaves the way they do because they can and it is not costing them anything.
Here are some options for dealing with a workplace bully.
- Sometimes it is as simple as using the formula for good communication and just telling the bully their behaviour is upsetting you. This will work on someone who is not intending to behave badly and, no matter how sure you are that they do know and do intend to upset you, you can't be 100 percent certain unless you tell them.
- If this does not work you need to tell them again but, this time, make sure you have a witness.
- Speak to whoever is responsible for ensuring a safe workplace - the boss, your union rep, your supervisor.
- Put your complaint in writing. The written word can be used as evidence in a court of law so it is always taken more seriously than verbal complaints. Keep a copy of it and send it to the bully and his or her superiors.
- Make it clear to the bully that you are collecting evidence and will be using it if the behaviour does not stop. Simply writing down what they say or do in full view of them every time they bully can be intimidating enough to put a stop to it. It can be even more intimidating to them if they see you making notes and you do not tell them what you are doing.
Get an exercise book and jot down the time, date, place, witnesses and what was said or done. One "joke" can be shrugged off but a list of "jokes", sneers, put-downs etc grows more and more weighty with every addition when the date, time, words, gestures and witnesses are included. Such a log-book would be accepted as evidence in court.
People do not like to have their behaviour monitored and recorded - the bully will get nervous and will want you to stop. If the only way they can stop you is to stay away from you they will. It may take some time for them to realise that is the only way to stop you so ignore threats and keep writing. If the bully is your boss, however, they may sack you so be careful.
6. Another, less confronting, way to deal with a bully is to get to know them and get to know what matters to them. Sometimes bullying will stop simply because they are flattered that you have taken an interest in them and seem to want to know how they feel and what they think about things!
Bullies don't tend to have a lot of friends so, if you become one, they may treat you better.
For more information, and help, on workplace bullying you can have a look at the Bully Online website.
