Kim Answers Questions About Life, Love, People and Problems.
Kim is a qualified, registered, practising psychologist who gives people answers to questions about their problems free of charge on Words By Kim.
Below are requests for help Kim has received from, and the answers she has given to, people who agreed to have their requests published on this site. Kim has had many other requests for help from people who did not want their issues to be made public and Kim has honoured those wishes.
Before asking Kim for help or advice you need to read the conditions that apply and the information she will need both of which are detailed HERE.
When you have read the conditions that apply, and are able to provide the information about yourself and your problem that Kim will need to be able to help you, please click the button below to submit a public request for help or advice. Please note that your request for help will NOT appear here until AFTER Kim has read it, responded to it, and added it to the page.
If you prefer to keep your issue private you may go to the Contact page and submit your request there. If you submit a private request please ensure you provide Kim with a valid email address or she will not be able to reply to you.
Anyways, about 1.5 months ago; we were coming back from a sales trip that i had had to Germany. The trip went well without many hitches, minor disagreements and insecurities but nothing major. On the drive back from the airport we start arguing. After talking with my wife after the incident; I realize that i took out my anger on others on her. I didn't want to talk. She did.
I lost my temper, started screaming repeatedly, "leave me alone" over and over again. This quickly escalated to "shut the fuck up" over and over again. My wife, not one to ever back down, continued.
I took myself out of the situation by pulling over and walking, trying to calm down. Didn't work. Came back still madder then hell and everything got worse. I don't remember everything but i know i must have slapped her or was physical with her in some way. Then it was her turn to get out of the vehicle. After a while, she got back in. She then tells me that it is over, and that she threw her wedding ring and we will never find it. Turns out later that she wasn't telling the truth; she actually put it in her pocket.
After she told me this; i lost it. I tried to get her out of the car by pulling on her, kicking, biting, slapping, everything. I just wanted her out. In the process; i bruised her up, left two bite marks, and broke her finger.
We get home; things obviously aren't the same. We had been physical before, never like this. I recommend counseling; she agrees. The next week; my sister gets married. Next week my wife has to take an emergency trip to Costa Rica. During this time, i make the call but don't schedule anything as i want to wait for her. She gets back from her trip. Within an hour of her getting back she tells me that she dreaded the trip up to the house; roughly four hours from the airport. she tells me that she wants to move back to Dallas, which is where her family and support network are.
Long story short. She moved out about two weeks ago. We aren't an abusive couple. She and i agree that we get along 99% percent of the time perfectly fine. Her children and mine get along well. She loves my children like her own as i love her children like my own.
I have started attending batterers intervention meeting. Twice a week for four hours total. I want to change; i want back what i had. I realize that it was my anger that ruined everything. She has told me over and over again that she cant be with me again; she can't trust me when i tell her it will never happen again.
I disagree. I know i want to change; i know i have it in me. After the first couple of meetings; i realize that this may help put me on the right path. But what next? what else can I do?
Ideally, an internet based group would be ideal as the drive to and from these meetings equals up to about 5.5 hours of driving each week... I guess any advice you could give I would be willing to listen to. Thank you.