Advice
Kim Answers Questions About Life, Love, People and Problems.
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wrote on September 19, 2007
at
1:50 pm
We were at my friends house for dinner last week and my daughter was playing with my friends 2 year old son. All went quiet so I went into the bedroom to check on them and I found my daughter trying to get my friends 2 year old son to touch and watch her touch her private parts!!! I told her this is wrong and I was disgusted but she didn't seem like there was anything wrong with what she was doing still. She is a very anxious child who is scared/phobic of almost everything and she is never happy!
Her first meeting with a counsellor is next week. Do you have any advice for me in the mean time?
It is important you understand that human beings NEVER become sexual until one of two things happens:
- Hormones are released in the body that trigger sexuality or
- Someone teaches them about sex and triggers sexuality
At seven and a half it is unlikely your daughter is experiencing the release of hormones since that happens at puberty and you did not mention she is growing breasts or pubic hair.
This means someone is either showing her these things or someone is doing them to her and she is acting out what she is seeing or what they are doing or getting her to do.
Before you go ballistic and say there is nobody who would do such things keep in mind that one in three girls and one in five boys are molested and those figures are based on CONVICTIONS! They do not include cases where nobody is found guilty by the courts!
Not all child molesters are adults either.
Sometimes children act out what they see in pornographic movies which is why it is illegal to show them to children and it is also why molesters like to show them to children. I doubt this is what is happening in your daughters case, however, since the behaviour is ongoing and it would not be if it was a simple case of acting out what she saw one time in one movie.
It could be another child teaching her the behaviour in which case someone is messing with that child and they are acting out with your daughter. Or someone is messing with a child who is acting out with another child who is acting out with your daughter if you get the picture.
It could be an adolescent who is feeling hormonal urges and is taking advantage of time alone with your daughter to use her to experiment with their own sexuality.
It could also be an adult. Any adult. A neighbour, a relative, a babysitter, your brother, your fiancee or your grandfather. It could be a woman but most of the time molesters are male and either way SOMEONE has taught your daughter this behaviour and you need to find out who and get her away from them NOW!
The first place to look is at any male who is spending time alone with your daughter because it sounds like the behaviour is going on behind your back.
If the person who is spending time alone with her is someone you do not think would do such a thing then test the theory out. Stop leaving her alone with that person for several months and see what happens. If s/he starts getting desperate to get your child alone and begins fighting you on the issue it's a clear sign all is not well!
Keep her away from the molester for long enough and she will start to lose interest in the behaviour and go back to normal.
You said you are taking her to see a counsellor. I would expect, I would HOPE, the counsellor has already said all these things to you but not all counsellors are trained to recognise child abuse.
Not all counsellors are willing to face child abuse and there are even some counsellors who would use a child for their own pleasure so I don't want to rely on another counsellor to tell you these things.
I suspect you may need counselling yourself to help you cope with the discovery you will make if you follow my advice and act to keep your daughter safe. Whoever is molesting her it will be someone you trust so you are going to feel every bit as violated as your daughter when you learn who it is. Maybe more.
Be strong and do what only you can do - protect your baby!
My heart goes out to you.
Kim
