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Help Using This Site.

Words By Kim is actually two sites linked together to create one.   Words By Kim is the main site and contains a search engine optimization service, a free help column, a "Reasons To Live" wall and informative (I hope) articles.

The other site is a separate programme named WordPress.  It is a blog or diary programme and contains my blog.  The title of the blog is "In My Own Words".  The blog programme has been made to look like the main site so there are links between the two sites and they look like they are one.

The main thing to keep in mind is there are two sites.  If you go to the blog you will be able to use it the same as you use other wordpress blogs but it also contains links to the main site.  In addition to the standard wordpress entry searches the blog has been given its own site map containing a link to the main site and links to every blog entry.  All the blog entries are listed there by title making it easier to find entries you may want to read.

The main site, wordsbykim, also has a site map with links to everything.  This includes a link to the blog itself and the list of blog entries.

Help asking for help.

Visitors are able to ask me for help as the form is now working but the help I can give on this site is VERY limited.  Getting help from a psychologist is not the same as asking a friend for advice.  A friend will give whatever advice comes to mind based on what you say about the problem.  A psychologist wants to know more because a lot of things make a difference to the sort of direction a person may need to take to solve their problems.

Step One

To ask for help you will need to create an account.  The reason you need to create an account is to deter people who don't REALLY want help.  People who just want to leave spam are less likely to do so if they have to create an account.  Information you give when creating an account will not be sold, passed on or used to contact you for any reason not connected to your request for help.  You have my word on that.

Step Two

Read the FAQ Help page. Most people want help to make other people change.  The only way to make other people change is to communicate  with them.  There is no point going to all the trouble of consulting me if you want me to help you change someone else.  The best help I can offer you for that is the information contained in the answers to the FAQ.

Step Three

Read the legal and privacy policies document.  This document is designed to ensure you cannot sue me.  It is my only protection from being scammed by someone asking for help then claiming my help ruined their life.  I am offering free information because I care about you.  I will not tell you to do anything that will ruin your life but I need to protect myself from anyone whose aim is to ruin mine!

Step Four

Fill in the form on the "Consult Kim" page.  I have chosen to ask people to fill out a form rather than just email me because there are some things that can make a huge difference to what sort of information is most appropriate.  The form asks for the following information about you:

1. Initials or Pen Name - Required.

This is required otherwise I will have to refer to you as anonymous and you won't be able to tell which answer is yours.  You are free to give a false name, initials or a pen name as long as you will remember the name you gave. This information will be published along with your problem and the answer I give.

2. E-Mail Address - Optional.

You will have given an email address to register on the site but many people have special email addresses they give to sites such as this.  You are free to give such an address to register - wordsbykim doesn't use email addresses for any reason so we will never know it's not a real address.  The purpose of this question is to get a contact email address I can use if I need to ask you for more information to be able to give you a useful answer to your request for help.  If you are not prepared to give any further information you may, I think, leave this blank.  If the form won't lodge without an address simply insert dont@contact.com and, either way, this information will not be made public.

3. Age - Optional.

I need to know your approximate age because there are stages of development in the human lifespan.  I need to know which of these stages you are likely to be in to determine the direction that would be best for you at this point.  You are free to put in an approximate age provided it is within 10 years of your real age.  This information will not be made public.
4. Sex - Optional.

Contrary to popular opinion there ARE sex differences!  Depression in a male can have very different causes to depression in a female and I need to know your sex so I can take those differences into account when giving you an answer to your question.  This information may be made public.

5. Marital Status - Optional.

You may think this has no bearing on your problem but it can.  If you are widowed or divorced, for example, depression may actually be masking long term or unresolved grief.  This information may, if it is relevant to the answer I give you, be made public.

6. Location - Optional.

I am not asking for an address here but I do need to know what country you live in.  The advice I would give to a westerner might be totally inappropriate to give to someone from another culture.  Where possible I will take into account the culture you come from and avoid suggesting you do anything that would cause you problems within that culture.  This information may, if it is relevant to the answer I give you, be made public.

7. Have you ever been in any form of counselling, coaching or psychiatric treatment? - Optional.

This question is designed to tell me what, if anything, you have already tried for dealing with the problem you are asking me about.  If you say you have had counselling and it didn't help I will know your problem may be more serious than it seems at first glance.  This information will not be made public.

8. Any medical problems? - Optional.


Many psychological problems come as a side effect of physical problems and I am trained in differential diagnoses.  This means I am able to recognise many of these complaints and will be able to suggest you see your doctor if your problem could be due to a physical condition.  This information will not be made public.

9. Any current or past psychiatric medications (e.g antidepressants, sleep aids)? - Optional.

Current, or past, diagnoses and medications may still be affecting you.  If you are on medication for depression, for example, you have already done one of the things I might suggest you do.  If I know this I can avoid annoying you by suggesting you do what you have already done.  This information will not be made public.

10. What role do alcohol and other drugs have in your life? - Optional.

Alcohol and other drugs can actually cause some very serious psychiatric conditions so it is important that I know what you use, how much you use and how often.  Many people use drugs and alcohol to medicate their psychological pain.  If you are doing this the substances may be masking important symptoms and this can make it harder to tell what the real problem is.  This information will not be made public. 

11. Who do you usually turn to for advice? What, if anything, have they said about your current problem? - Optional.

Many people are not entirely honest with themselves and it is also hard to see our own lives objectively.  The things other people tell you can give me clues about your life and situation.  You may ask me for help with an alcohol addiction, for example, but your friends and family may be telling you they think you need to get counselling to help you deal with the loss of your loved one ten years ago.  You might think it has been ten years and there is no need to revisit that pain but I will suspect unresolved grief is leading to self-medicating with alcohol.  Giving up the alcohol won't help unresolved grief.  It will simply cause you to seek another way to keep the grief from overflowing.  This information will not be made public.

12. What is the problem you would like my help with? - Required.

This is where you can tell me what your problem is and ask for my help.  What you say in this section will be made public when I put the question, and my answer, up on the Help page.

You may ask me not to publish your letter.  Such requests will always be granted.

I intend to try and answer all requests for help but priority will be given to answering questions that can be used on the Help page where they may be able to help others who have the same problem.  Identifying information will always be removed from any question before publishing it.

It will depend how many requests for help I receive as to whether I will be able to answer you.  If there are more requests than I have time to answer you may not get a reply or you may get a very short reply.