QS – Days One And Two

I’m sitting here munching on baby food! “Heinz Little Kids fruit & veg shredz” to be specific. Little straps of fruit that are perfect for sucking on or chewing and there are enough of them in a packet to keep my hands busy eating them. I chose them because I figured they shouldn’t be fattening or full of sugar and crap if they are for babies and I’m glad I got them. I also tried baby food fruit fingers but they are not nice so I won’t buy them again.

I didn’t go into this decision to quit smoking lightly or unprepared!

In my bathroom there are nicotine patches and gum and I have a nicotine inhaler in my bag. I have nicotine replacements and I’m not afraid to use them but I haven’t needed to so far!

After all these years refusing to even try and quit smoking because I was so sure the pain of giving up wouldn’t be worth it and here I am… wondering why I made such a fuss about it and why, oh WHY, didn’t I do it YEARS ago!

As part of my pre-quit preparation I read Allen Carrs Easy Way to quit smoking book and he advocates quitting cold turkey and says there are two “monsters” to slay to reach a happily ever after smoke free life. He calls them the “Little monster” and the “Big monster”.

He says the Little monster is nicotine addiction and it is nothing to worry about. It dies after a couple of days off the smokes and it’s withdrawal pangs are no worse than an itch. Annoying but painless, easy to ignore, and soon over. Allen says we don’t actually need nicotine replacement products and they do nothing for us except prolong the life of the Little monster.

He says the real struggle we face is our battle with the Big monster. That’s the battle that causes all the problems and the failures for people and slaying the Big monster is the goal of the book. Once the big monster is dead the rest is easy he says and it begins to look as if he is right!

God began the work of slaying the Big monster for me when I broke my ankle and discovered I could actually survive being off the smokes for a few days. Another lethal blow to BM was when I discovered I could choose to go without smokes in order to fly overseas and it wasn’t painful. There were no stomach pains, crushing headaches, vomiting or any unbearable symptoms to go with the withdrawal.

Once I felt God asking me to quit I took a good look at what kept me hooked on smoking and began questioning the reality of the things I have thought for 42 years of my life. “Smoking helps me concentrate” – not true – if I can’t smoke I can’t concentrate but that’s because the little monster nags at me and stops me from concentrating!

One by one, with the help of the book, I burned and discarded all the things that kept me chained to smoking until I had just one belief left about smoking – I don’t want to do it any more!

My new attitude is smoking is a prison and I am tired of it. I want out and any thoughts that want to put me back in prison are not welcome! “Just one” will hurt because it will prolong the life of the little monster. I don’t “need” a smoke and I am suffering exactly the same symptoms right now that I had when I moved house.

When I moved to this house I moved in with a non-smoker so smoking inside the house was not allowed and I wrote a blog entry called “Breaking The Habit” about what a struggle it was for me to adjust to that change.

I am currently having exactly the same struggle but it CAN’T be withdrawal related because I was allowed to smoke outside last time so there was no genuine withdrawal! This restlessness and sense of confusion is not about withdrawal as much as being due to my changed circumstances. I adjusted to change when I moved here and I can adjust to this change too!

It’s all a bit uncomfortable but no more uncomfortable than learning to smoke outside was and any time I have thoughts of going back to the way it was I just remind myself I don’t want to go back to prison and the temptation disappears.

The big monster, the one that tells me I can’t live without nicotine, the one that creates crisis in my mind whenever being without smokes comes up, the one that has kept me enslaved for 42 years has lost it’s power and it’s just like the bible says hehehe

“Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free”.

Nicotine gives me NOTHING! It tastes like crap, ruins my concentration, weakens me in so many ways and makes a fool of me for ever believing the lies in the first place let alone letting it blind me to the truth for 42 years but better late than never.

I got out of prison 40 hours ago and I know that a single puff, one piece of nicotine gum, one nicotine patch or spray or inhaler will put me back in prison and waste all those hours practising living outside of the prison that I have clocked up so far.

Not interested. When the Big Monster tries to tell me I can’t do it I laugh at him and say “I AM doing it!”

The Little Monster nudges me periodically and says “I want a smoke” and the Big Monster tries to grab my arm at those times so he can sit me down and get me back under control.

When LM says he wants a smoke I just laugh and say “Hell no! I am DONE feeding you! Find some other sucker to bludge off you parasite!” When BM says “Come here, let’s think about this, lets look at how hard it is, how much you are giving up, how awful this experience is” I side step and glare at him. “Don’t try and fill me with that bull shit any more! It’s nothing but a pack of lies and I don’t want to hear it! As long as I don’t sit down and listen to your bull shit this is EASY!”

I always said nothing but a miracle would get me off nicotine and it appears God has come through for me and supplied one.