I thought I should probably write a few words to let anyone who is wondering know how I am doing. I’m doing good.
It’s been almost a year now since I had the thyroid surgery to remove cancer and everything seems to be OK on that front. They have scheduled me for another full body scan in a few months time to check if there is anything to worry about but they are not expecting to find anything as far as I know.
I am refusing to take the high dose of thyroid medication they want me to take because the side effects make it too hard to function. The dose I am taking is keeping me at “normal” levels but I don’t feel normal.
I’m pretty much waiting to die physically because I have no energy to do anything else. It takes everything I have just to make a trip to the shopping center and bring the groceries up the stairs. I don’t have enough energy to do anything much at all these days although I can still manage to go out for dinner if I get invited provided I don’t have to do anything else the same day like go to work.
I’m only working three days a week now and, by the third day, I am so worn out it takes me two days to recover and things are only getting worse on the health front!
My blood pressure always used to be good but the day I was due for release from hospital after the radioactive iodine treatment they said my blood pressure was high. It has not come back down since then so they have put me on medication for that.
I finally got sick of all the hassles I’ve been having with my eyes and took myself off to a proper eye doctor who has told me I have cataracts. The right eye is so bad it would be classified legally blind for driving purposes but the other eye is still good enough to allow me to continue driving for now. I am on the waiting list to have eye surgery which looks like it won’t happen for about another year.
I get the feeling one or two of the people I work with think I have been given a really tough road to walk. I have been called a “real trooper” and an “Aussie battler” and the past year has been referred to as my “annus horribillus” and sometimes they look so sorry for me I fear they are about to burst into tears on my behalf but that isn’t how it seems to me at all.
Health problems suck, no doubt about it, but they don’t suck half as much as emotional illness did. Depression and anxiety were way harder to live with than cancer has been! My gambling addiction was much more distressing for me to cope with than going blind is!
If you want my honest opinion – I feel truly blessed and extremely lucky!
I’ve been making lousy health choices for a very long time now yet God has seen fit to let me escape with the one form of cancer that is the easiest to treat! I have cataracts but they are the kind that can be removed and they are not developing at the same rate in both eyes so I can still see well enough to read and use the computer.
I always feel tired and run down but God has brought me to the perfect job in preparation for this stage of my life. I earn the same amount of money from three overnight shifts per week as I would make if I was working full time in a day job. If I was in any other job I most likely would have been forced to quit or I would have been sacked for not being able to keep up with my duties. The company is even looking at letting us work from home which will mean I could keep working even if I do lose my sight and can no longer drive!
My depression, anxiety, and gambling addictions have been overcome and I have two adult kids who love me very much and will help me out any time I need them.
God loves me and He is looking out for me and it doesn’t matter how it looks to the rest of the world – I am blessed and I know it!
I’m content to keep living for as long as God lets me keep my independence. I will continue to pray that God will take me home to Him before I become a burden on anyone but I will go on knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that whatever happens will be Gods will. If God wills it then I know for certain it’s for the best.
All I really need is God’s love and I have that. Nothing can take it from me and, as long as I have it, I can honestly say “I’m doing good”.