Google Rates My Blog

According to my website designer Google loves me. He says I should not be getting much traffic at all because I have no links and I am not even 6 months old. (I love it when he tells me I am not very old hehehe) My record so far is 88 visitors in one day and he says that is good.

Tonight he informed me I rank.

I sniffed my armpits. Had my deodorant let me down? How would he know over the internet anyway? Then I realised he did not mean me he meant my site.

My brother is my website designer and he lets me look around in his Google Webmaster Tools account. There is a green bar in there that, I’m told, is Google’s ranking of my site. It has been sitting in the “low” range for as long as I have been looking.
My brother also showed me a site that lets you check what your page rank is at all of Google’s worldwide data centres. The Google pr (page rank) for my site has been zero in that site’s search results for as long as I have been checking it.

Today my brother checked and Google has, apparently, begun their quarterly page rank updates and I have been given page ranking. I raced off to McDar’s pr checking site and checked for myself.

According to that site I have been given a pr of 5 by four data centers, or dc’s as my brother calls them, and he says the other data centers will all gradually give me the same pr over the next few weeks.

I was confused. As far as I can tell Google’s page rank system goes from zero to ten. In their webmaster tools they have only four categories – pages that have not yet been ranked, low ranked pages, medium ranked pages and high ranked pages.

My whole site has been sitting in the low page rank section and now they tell me that I have a pr of five. That does not compute. How can five be low when it is the halfway mark of 10? Shouldn’t that make a 5 medium?

My brother went looking at all my site’s pages and telling me what each page had been ranked as. This drove me absolutely NUTS and I demanded to know how he was getting this information. He said he had Google’s toolbar and it was telling him.

I heard of Google’s toolbar many years ago. My spybot programmes classified it as bad so I have steered clear of it ever since. Now I had to go get it so I could see for myself how google was ranking my work. I downloaded it with many misgivings and went surfing through my site.

It didn’t help. It made me even more confused if that was possible.

I had one page, the front page of my site, ranked as five. The front page of the blog ranked four as did a couple of other pages. All the entries that were ranked at all, 17 of them, had the same pr of three. There was no rhyme or reason to it. I had 17 entries with a pr of 3 and all the rest were pr 0 yet one ranked entry was only two weeks old.

The thing that made me throw my hands in the air and give up even trying to make sense of it all was the page with a rank of two. It is my graffiti wall. One day people will be able to go to the wall and add their reason to live to it but, for now, it is under construction and is a blank page.

How is it possible for a page with nothing on it to have a pr of 2 when damn fine blog entries and site articles (well anything is better than a blank page surely) get ranked zero?

I am waiting to see if my brother is right and the rest of my pages will get a page rank too over the coming days or weeks.

They better or I shall be highly offended!

It would be awfully harsh criticism, in my opinion, for Google to say a blank page is better than the content of any of my 0 page ranked blog entries or website articles!

Such cruelty on Google’s part would cause me to look with great sorrow upon my little brother and suspect him of telling me fibs.

He chided me before he went to bed. He said he has only ever seen one blog jump from a pr of 0 to a pr as high as 5 and that was someone called Matt Cutt or Matt Cutts. He, according to my brother, is connected to Google or works for them or something.

My brother says this Matt feller has thousands of people linking to him which would have helped him jump so high. He says I am less than 6 months old (I really LOVE hearing that lol) and have almost no links so google MUST love me to rank me at all let alone bump me up that high.

I don’t know about all that. All I know is that, if google ranks a blank page higher than any but the most recent of my written pages, I shall find it hard to believe my brother is right.

If google says nothing is better than any single one of my writing efforts I simply will not be able to believe google’s love for me is real no matter what my brother says. I will be forced to view google, and it’s page ranking methods, as a bit on the nose. A bit rank you might say hehehe – pun intended.

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