Pimp My Bride

I had 45 minutes to kill before heading off to work tonight so I looked around for something to do and spotted the big box in the corner of my living room.

Soup, bread roll, and “let’s see if the TV still works” seemed like a good idea at the time. Six girls, three “beau’s”, a middle aged prima donna, and an elderly, hatchet-faced woman appeared on my screen.  The name of the show was, I later learned, Australian Princess.

In Australian Princess girls from all over Australia apply to be contestants in a reality show.  If they are accepted they go into training.  They are schooled in upper class manners and deportment then introduced to upper class people.  They meet upper class men one of whom will be a real live prince and they have the chance to win his heart and become a real live princess.  Failing that, I think there are prizes, the main one being an expensive tiara.

“Don’t argue with me” yelled the prima donna as he rudely invaded the personal space of a shrinking barbie doll look-alike. He told her she could be sent packing and we were then treated to her tearful assertion that, if a princess was not permitted to ask questions or assert herself, this might not be the place for her.

I wiped the soup off my chin, hauled my jaw back up off the ground and regained my composure. You can’t comment on things like the current state of television-land if you never see what is happening there.

Here came the “beau’s” – three young men who, supposedly, were desirable bachelors.

The first two seemed presentable enough if you like the sort of man whose opinion of himself is vastly over-inflated. The third man, however, was barely able to conceal the anticipatory, slightly predatory, light in his eyes as he gave the two girls he was to escort the once over.

He flapped his lips about how he made the effort to overlook the less than gorgeous appearance of the girl with glasses. He threw consolation crumbs about how she was a stunner INSIDE then focussed his attention on the Barbie-plays-Doctor look-alike.

We were informed that this man was, in fact, a prince.

When I turned off the tv they were all sipping champagne on the grass at the Derby.

The body language of the “prince” when he was meeting two of the wanna-be princesses told me all I needed to know. This was a man eying off the candy his servant was offering him.

Pimp My Bride would suit except for one small thing. There will be no bride! The real name for the show, Pimp My RIDE, has been taken and who would volunteer to be one of the human “rides” getting a make-over anyway? No. To sucker the girls you need a nicer name than that. The producers hit the jackpot, from the look of it, with Australian Princess.

What a con! Mary met a prince and he married her. Now all these Australian girls think any girl could marry a prince! There IS a class divide but Australian girls are not aware of that. Mary and her prince are a freakish couple for whom love was able to conquer that chasm. Love AND the fact that Mary had what it took to cross the divide and pose as a princess.

When I got to work I searched the internet for more information. Who was this man, this pimp, who was supposedly transforming the girls anyway? I discovered he is, or was, Princess Diana’s butler or something and is famous for making as much money as possible from that fact after her death.

As for the hatchet-faced madam – couldn’t find any mention of her at all!

The only other thing worth mentioning is a forum thread about the last season of this show. If these messages represent the typical viewers of the show then the one and only reason people watch this show is to feel superior to both the contestants AND the upper-crust participants!

Most of the people posting in this thread said they were watching the show for the same reason. It’s so bad they will be able to have a lot of fun tearing it, and everyone in it, to shreds! They are as green as the girls they are laughing at and every bit as ignorant.

The British and European aristocracy must be laughing themselves sick at this whole thing!

Search Australia for some pretty female flesh, teach them how to act like they are high class, dress them up then hand them over to some young blue-blood males to play with.

The people doing the teaching are SERVANTS of the upper class. If they REALLY knew how to get into the upper classes themselves they would NOT be teaching manners to foreign girls!

They are being aided and abetted by the aristocracy in this show for one reason and one reason only.

They are doing what servants have always done – serving their masters. In this case they are finding a unique way to serve the master’s sons. Girls these days don’t say no to men they find attractive. It is, therefore, almost a guarantee that all three of those upper crust heirs will get some Aussie action. The easy sex will have a little extra kick for the heirs because they know the girls have no idea what is really going on.

The show will be a success. Upper crust heirs from all over the world will line up to get their share of the action. The girls will get prettier and prettier as the producers are able to abandon all pretense that ANY Australian girl could become a princess. Once the show attracts eligible bachelors that Australian girls have actually HEARD of the stakes will be high enough to attract girls with better looks and higher social standing.

The aristocracy would not permit young Australian men to even HOPE they had a chance with their blue-blood daughters so don’t expect an “Australian Prince” because that will never happen! Don’t expect any marriages either. Affairs, yes, but the odds are 99.999% that nothing but broken Aussie hearts will come of these introductions.

I gather there was an American version of the show but they decided not to screen it so they sold the rights to Australia. I could find no mention of a British version.

My guess is that’s because all good lower class English girls KNOW the aristocracy has nothing to offer those without the right pedigree except denial of paternity.

I suspect no self-respecting British servant would be willing to pimp the girls from his own country to the aristocracy either. The daughters of a country descended from English rejects is, however, fair game. The inflated egoism of a class based society thinks our dignity, self-respect and the bodies of our pretty young girls is a small price to pay for the chance to meet, mingle with and be briefly tolerated by their blue-bloods.

The thing that really upsets me is that we, as a country, actually call this barely disguised version of prostitution entertainment! It appears we have no idea what is really at stake here.

A disgraced servant of the English upper classes is invited to do a make-over of young Australian girls. Whilst making them over he subjects them to scorn and abuse designed to ensure only the most compliant of them stays in the show.

Then he offers these silly, ignorant, daughters of Australia to the sons of foreign gentry for their pleasure and amusement! Along the way everyone who knows about and understands the class divide gets to laugh at the ignorance of girls raised in what we promote as a classless society.

Just because Australians don’t believe in the class divide doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It just means we won’t understand the insider jokes connected with it. We will see them laughing at those girls but what we need to understand is that they will be laughing us, at Australia, too. We may have a lot to envy as a country but this show is going to make everyone who understands the class divide very glad they were not born here!

Someone must have enlightened the Americans and they canceled their version of the show. Too bad nobody had enough respect for Australia to clue us in before it was too late.

This will set Australia back a hundred years as we become known, throughout the “olde worlde”, as a country filled with foolish, gullible, stupid people who cannot see the joke let alone realise it is entirely on us!

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