My theories on the subject of love and sex began developing as a teenager. In those days I thought sex was the start, and end, of love. If you were the sexiest looking woman you got the man, if not, someone else got him. Either way, it wouldn’t last, someone sexier would come along and take him.
As a product of my culture I bought into the myths and fantasies surrounding sex. In those days it was generally accepted that women who had a lot of sex were cheap. Men were easy to please so women didn’t need to be experienced. Women were hard to satisfy sexually so it was important for men to have lots of sex so they could learn how to please a women in bed.
All the men I got involved with in those days were, of course, sexually experienced and I can assure you the number of women a man has had sex with has no relationship at all to how good he is in bed! Some of the most experienced men I had were the worst lovers. More does not automatically lead to better. In my experience the reverse tended to be true. The more women a man had been with the less interest he tended to have in whether I had as good a time as he did.
At some stage in my life I decided that, since men were only ever going to use me, I may as well use them too. I ignored the little niggle in the back of my mind that said it really was not the same at all. Men were happy to be “used” whereas I was often left unsatisfied and feeling like I had been cheated.
I convinced myself I was only after sex but, looking back, that simply wasn’t true. The big “O”, the mighty orgasm, really was not the thing I wanted most in life. It appeared to be the only thing of importance to men but I would have traded a thousand orgasms for one decent hug.
Men, on the other hand, seemed to have no need for hugs. They would give them to me in return for sex. They would give me anything for sex. Kisses, cuddles, attention, compliments and even “love”.
The big problem was, it was all fake, faker than a three dollar bill. I had something they wanted, they had something I wanted, we traded. They got their orgasm but all I got was pretend hugs, lies about love, and temporary attention.
Many men have told me they think vagina’s are wasted on women. They said if they had a vagina they would use it to get rich. There is even a joke to that effect – that women are literally sitting on gold mines.
The reason men see it this way, I believe, is because they KNOW the only thing of any real value you can get from a man with sex is cash! Everything else he is just a substitute he offers hoping to get sex without having to part with any of his money.
Every man has a huge bank account of fake “I love you’s” or whatever specific words he is prepared to offer along those lines. Some men pride themselves on being honest so they will not say those words lightly. Those men will give you another version of “I love you” or fob you off with hints that they might say the words one day.
Over the years I have come to the conclusion that every time a man hands over his fake “I love you” three dollar bill and gets sex in return he makes a deposit into his subconscious well of contempt for women. He grows more certain women’s bodies are a dime a dozen. They become things he needs but does not value.
Here’s the flip side of that. Every time a woman gets handed an “I love you” that turns out to be fake she makes a deposit into her subconscious well of contempt for men. She grows more certain men’s hearts are a dime a dozen. They become things she needs but does not value.
Every time a man hands over his heart and it gets treated the way he treats the bodies of women he doesn’t love he gets angry. He feels like he’s been suckered. He handed over his heart and men do not hand their hearts over for sex. If a man gives a woman his heart he wants hers in return.
This is something women do not realise. They are so used to getting fake love they can’t tell the difference between that and the real thing and there are millions of men all over the world who want things to stay that way.
This confusion is, however, why a man will cheat on his wife and say “It was only sex” and his wife will feel utterly and completely shattered because she thinks he cared about the other woman. She knows he has convinced the other woman he cared in order to get the sex.
After training women to think the love of a man is cheap, easy to get, and utterly worthless, men then turn around and get extremely upset if their genuine love is treated that way. If a man does not get love in return for his heart he gets mad. He starts to believe women will only love men who treat them badly. This is because of all the women he treated badly who loved him anyway and all the women he sees who love men who treat them badly.
When women treat mens hearts the same way men treat women’s bodies men come to believe women have no appreciation for “true” love. We hand over our hearts in return for a fake “I love you” but when he gives us the real thing we laugh at him and move on to someone who pays us a counterfeit one. He prides himself on being able to offer a fake “I love you” that looks better than the real thing then gets upset when his real “I love you” gets treated as if it was worth nothing.
Take a minute to think it over guys. You are in a car yard and there are two cars there. You can choose between them. Both of them are labeled BMW or Porche or Rolls Royce – whatever your fantasy car is. One looks exactly like all the pictures of that car you ever saw and the other looks like a cheap imitation. One salesman tells you it is a little known secret but the plainer car is actually the real thing. The flashy one is an imitation model used in the ads and it will break down on you within weeks. The other salesman tells you only a fool is not able to tell the real thing when he sees it – ads don’t lie after all.
All your life you thought the real thing is supposed to look like the flash car and now some guy is telling you this ho-hum car is the real thing. How likely are you to believe him and take the plain looking car?
All our lives we women are shown pictures and told stories about what true love looks like and when you come along with your matter of fact “I may not say I love you or give you flowers, attention and romance but I am giving you all of me forever” then you burp, fart, scratch your crotch and yawn it sure does look like a pale imitation of the real thing to us.
You say the dress looks like crap because you care about us. You don’t lie to women you love and you don’t let them look like a fool in public. The other guy tells us we are breathtaking because he doesn’t plan to be around when we wear the damn thing. We think you are trying to savage our self-esteem and he is the one who really loves us because he seems to be happy no matter how we look.
All those fairy tales about prince charming and happy ever after are not aimed at men. It’s we women they are designed to fool. Men simply play the role to get the sex then expect us to know the real thing, and appreciate it, when they give it to us.
It is my belief that the more easy sex a man gets the harder it becomes for him to respect or genuinely love women. He grows to believe women are shallow and cheap and not worth loving.
The more times a woman trades herself for imitation love, or respect, and ends up with nothing the more cheated and angry she feels. She starts to believe men are shallow and fickle and not worth loving or that there is something wrong with her because she can’t hold on to true love when she finds it.
As I mentioned in the entry titled From Sex To Celibacy, sex without love is like wetting your feet in a puddle when you are hot and what you really need is a swim. The more you wet your feet the less satisfying it is and the more often you need to wet your feet.
The more a man wets his feet the more often he needs to wet them to stay cool. The more men do this the less able they become to swim. In time they become no more than grown men jumping in and out of puddles because they are simply no longer able to swim.
This only adds to their contempt for women. They think it is women, not the easy sex, that is shallow and unsatisfying.
The only thing that has changed since I was young is that women are also puddle jumping now and they are not even asking for “I love you” any more. This just makes men think women are worth even less because, don’t forget, men would not give THEIR vagina’s away if they had them – they would SELL them. That’s why they are so quick to accuse women of wanting material things – it’s what they would want if they were female so they assume we do too.
I really believe the reason God disapproves of fornication is not because he wants to spoil our fun. It’s because he knows sex without love results in men and women using each other. The more people use each other the less they value and respect each other.
It’s a world filled with puddle jumping men and women now and that means real love is only going to get harder and harder to find.
The saddest thing of all, in my opinion, is there are millions of people all over the world who really don’t know how to tell real love from counterfeit. They THINK they are not puddle jumping when they sleep with someone but they don’t wait long enough before having sex to know if it’s lust or love they are feeling.
If it’s love it will last. Lust loses interest when sex doesn’t happen.