I’m A Serious Clown

My kids get such a kick out of me sometimes.  I think of myself as serious, respectable, dignified but they see another side of me and it often cracks them up.

Like the time we were standing outside a shopping center looking through the window at one of those claw machines.  I wanted to see what was off to the side so I looked closer, forgot about the window and bumped my head on it.

I get left and right mixed up so often the kids will say: “turn left here” and, when I go to turn right, they will say: “no, the other left”.  Smart alec’s.

The other night we were playing cards and they told me the two’s were wild.  I forgot and threw out a two.  My son picked it up and couldn’t resist letting me know I had made a mistake.  I take comfort in the fact my daughter had forgotten as well and she passed on her option to pick it up.  My son got double the laughter out of that one.

I regularly stumble over steps that are not there when I think they are or ones that are there when I thought they were not and when I shuffle cards I often have to pick them up off the floor.  So far I have avoided having to do that in public.

I go to light cigarettes that I have forgotten to put in my mouth, put my keys in the fridge, think things are broken when they are just not turned on and so forth.

I have sung karaoke three times now.  My daughter has enjoyed each time.  The first time I think someone slipped something into my diet coke because I chose to sing “Barbie Girl” by Aquarium.  Turned out I was expected to sing the parts of both Barbie AND Ken!

Turned out I didn’t know the words after all.  I gave it my best shot which was not at all easy when all I could see was my daughter rolling around on the chair laughing so hard she was crying.  I knew, from the first few missed words and impossibly high notes, that I was in a world of trouble but my daughter was the only one unkind enough to laugh hehehe.

When I escaped the spotlight and joined her I had to wait for her to stop laughing before I could ask her exactly how bad I had been.  The question just sent her into another fit of laughter but she did manage to gasp out the words: “You don’t want to know Mum trust me!”

I’m nothing if not a glutton for punishment so I persisted.  I said: “On a scale of one to ten where one is the worst singer in the world and ten is the best – where did I rank?”

I patiently waited for her to stop laughing again and insisted I really did want to know when she said she didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

She said I ranked minus 5!  She said the only bearable bits were when I sang the part of Ken.

Dignity demanded I give it another shot.  I knew I could sing better than minus 5 so I went and put my name down to sing the one song I have been told I sing well – “Heartaches By The Number”.

I know that one off by heart.  It still wasn’t easy.  The lights, the microphone, the stage – it’s all very intimidating but I did it.  Then I raced over to my daughter for the verdict.

Yes!  Scored a 7 that time hehehe.  The song itself, however, scored a minus 5.

The next time we were there when karaoke started I was encouraged by my previous score of 7 so I decided to have another go.  I chose another song I know well – “Sugar Sugar” by The Archies but I bombed out on that one – scored a 4 so that was the end of my karaoke career.  My daughter keeps trying to get me to have another go but my karaoke days are over.  I have my dignity and self-respect to think of.

It never fails to amaze me when I find myself looking like a clown but I don’t mind.  I love to make people laugh.  I just can’t seem to do it on purpose – it’s always by accident.

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