Abuse Questionnaire Scoring Page

Scoring

Transfer all the total scores to the section below for a clearer picture of the overall level of abuse that is present in your relationship.  The higher the score the more serious the level of abuse is.

Part One

Dangerously Abusive Behaviour
Total score for You ________     Total score for the Other Person ________
Minimum score is 0 and maximum score is 200

Any score at all in this section is worrying.  It is possible you have struck the other person once or twice by accident or lost your temper once or twice due to illness or stress so a score of up to 15 or 20 might be obtained without cause to fear for the other persons life but any score at all is cause for alarm!  This is serious abuse and the higher the score the more abusive the person!

This is criminal abuse.  This is abuse that breaks the law.  This abuse can land you in jail or result in a criminal record.  This is dangerous abuse because it can, and often does, result in death or disability.

If you are being abused in this way you need to put a stop to it and the only way you can stop it is to put yourself out of reach of the person who is doing it!

If you are abusing the other person in this way you need to stop!

Leave the scene as soon as you can feel yourself getting angry, have yourself checked by a doctor to rule out any illness that might be causing the behaviour such as a brain injury or tumour, tell yourself there is a policeman standing behind your partner who will arrest you if you don’t control yourself, do whatever it takes to stop this even if that means asking the other person to go live somewhere else, or moving out yourself, while you try to overcome the problem.

I will be adding an article on managing anger later on but I cannot stress strongly enough how serious this is so regardless of whether you, the other person, or both of you are doing these things you need to stop it right now!

The most optimistic prediction I can make about the results of these behaviours is that they will kill respect, love, liking, concern or commitment in the person they are being done to.  In other words, the best you can hope for if you are doing these things to another person, is that they will learn to hate, despise, dislike or lose respect for you.

At worst, and this happens more often than you might think and to people who never thought it could happen to them, you will kill the other person and/or a child or children on purpose, by accident, or in a fit of uncontrollable rage.  Alternatively they could snap and kill you and/or a child or children on purpose, by accident, or in a fit of uncontrollable rage or they might kill themselves to get away from the abuse.

This kind of abuse only ever gets worse and more violent as time goes by if serious efforts are not made to put a stop to it!

Part Two

Seriously Abusive Behaviour
Total score for You ________     Total score for the Other Person ________
Minimum score is 0 and maximum score is 100

As in the previous section, the higher the score in this section, the more abusive the person is being.

These behaviours are not illegal depending on who you do them to.  Threatening to take your own child is not illegal, for example, but threats to take anyone elses child are.  These behaviours are, however, extremely abusive and the other person has a right, at least here in Australia, to take you to civil court for doing them if they result in physical illnesses brought on by stress or cause the other person emotional and/or psychological damage.

These behaviours suffocate, control, harrass and isolate the other person.  They can kill the spirit, incite anger, induce depression, undermine the will to live, create doubts about the value of the relationship and encourage attempts to escape.

People can tolerate such behaviours longer than more dangerous forms of abuse but everyone has their limit and, sooner or later, they will reach theirs and the relationship will end.

People who perform these behaviours tend, over time, to get worse and worse.  Verbal abuse turns into physical abuse and physical abuse gets progressively more violent and dangerous as time goes by.

Part Three

Verbally Abusive Behaviour
Total score for You ________     Total score for the Other Person ________
Minimum score is 0 and maximum score is 300

These behaviours, whilst not illegal or actionable in civil court because of the subtle nature of the abuse, are every bit as abusive as the other two types of abuse.

They grind a person down, destroy their self-confidence and attack self-esteem.  Such behaviour subtly undermines and brainwashes a person in many ways.  Here are just three of the most common effects these behaviours have on people who are subjected to them.

It can damage their ability to trust their own senses;

Here are some examples of how this happens;

I saw a glare but she says she wasn’t glaring.
I heard an insult but he says it was a joke.
I smelt alcohol on her breath but she says she drank no alcohol.
I felt pain but he says he didn’t touch me.

It can make them question their sense of self;

Here are some examples of brainwashed thinking;

I must be imagining things since I’m the only one who seems to see it.
Maybe I am being too sensitive.
Perhaps I really do take things too seriously.
I guess I could be blowing things out of proportion.
Surely he wouldn’t be so angry or offended if I had really done nothing wrong?

It can cause them to worry about their mental health;

Here are some more examples of brainwashed thinking;

Am I really a crazy bitch or psycho lunatic?
Have I truly lost the plot?
Maybe I really am as insane as she says I am.
Perhaps he’s right and there is something seriously wrong with me.

Verbal abuse has a wide range of negative effects on the people who are subjected to it and it is the hardest type of abuse to spot because almost everyone uses verbal abuse at certain times and under certain circumstances.

The difference between “normal” verbal abuse and serious verbal abuse will be reflected in the score.  If someone does it often, particularly if they respond to any comments about it with more abuse, then it is serious.  Killing or crushing the self-esteem, self-confidence or spirit of a person is about as far away from loving, supporting, or caring about them as it is possible to get!

When you are ready you can go to the final page of the questionnaire.

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