Abuse Questionnaire Part Two

Part Two – Emotionally, Psychologically, Financially, Or Socially Abusive Behaviours

Some of these questions are quite complex as the questionnaire seeks to take into account all types of relationships.  Some questions will be broken down into parts with each part applying to a different type of relationship.  In these questions you will need to look for the part that applies to the relationship you are completing the questionnaire for and answer that part of the question only.

Parts will be labelled Social, Parental, and Romantic.

“Social” means the part of the question that applies to social relationships including ones with an employer, employee, friend, coworker, relative (including ones own parents) etc.

“Parental” is the part of the question that applies to parents wanting to know if they are being abusive to their children or whether their parents were abusive to them.

“Romantic” applies to those who are assessing the relationship between them and their partner.

Sometimes there will also be an “All” section if some aspect of the abusive behaviour applies to all relationships.  In these cases you would include the “All” question in your answer.

For example, in the first question, if you were looking at whether you are in an abusive relationship with your Mother you would answer both the “Social” and “All” questions so you might say, no, I have never made my mother beg for money I owe her but I have taken possession of her pension because she lives with me and I pay all her expenses.  It costs me more to keep her than her pension pays so I take all of her pension but I give her money if she asks for it.  This would give you a score of 0 as you answered no to the Social section of the question (making the other person beg for money you owe them) and, although you answered yes to the All section (taken possession of money the other person earned or was given), you qualify for one of the exceptions (“The money you have taken is a fair and reasonable amount that is owed to you for board, the other persons share of living expenses, or to repay money they borrowed from you.”) that allows you to score zero for that too.

In this scenario the person has the option to assess whether he and his mother are currently being abusive to each other (does his mother make him beg before she hands over her pension money or does he make her beg for money to buy her medications?).

He can also assess whether he was abusive to his mother when he was young (did he make his mother beg for board money he owed her?), whether his mother was abusive to him as a child (did she fail to give him a regular allowance appropriate for his age group?), or any combination of those options.  He might even want to assess whether his parents were abusive to each other while he was growing up because growing up with abusive behaviour increases your risks of becoming abusive or of being abused.

The abusive nature of some of the following behaviours ranges from not abusive at all through to very abusive depending on the circumstances so some questions, such as the one in the above example, are followed by exceptions.  You will need to read the whole question before you answer in case one of the exceptions applies to you.

Some questions may not apply to you at all such as question two which is assessing whether parental alienation or undermining of caregiver authority is happening.  If you and the other person in the relationship you are assessing do not have children of your own, and do not have to care for anyone elses children, nobody can alienate them or undermine authority over them so you can skip this question and any others that do not apply.

Answer each question about your behaviour and enter your score, then answer the question according to what the other person has done to you, and enter their score.

Have you, or has the other person, ever done the things listed below that apply to the relationship you are assessing?

 1. Social: Made the other person (employer, employee, friend, relative) beg for money you owed them.

1. Parental: Failed to give your child a regular allowance appropriate for their age group.

1. Romantic: Made your partner ask for money, given them an allowance, made them account for every cent they spend, made them feel guilty if they spend or ask for money, kept bank accounts or other assets secret from them, given them limited access to family assets such as bank accounts or a car, given them little or no say in decisions that involve joint funds.

Do NOT score for these behaviours if:
1. a) There is no money left over after paying bills and buying food
1. b) Your child uses their allowance to break the law, for example, underage drinking or the purchase of illegal drugs
1. c) Your partner has, more than once or twice, spent so much money on drugs, gambling, alcohol, cars, jewelery, clothing or other non-essentials that there was not enough money left to pay for essentials such as bills or food.

1. All: Taken possession of money the other person earned or was given even if they have consented to you taking it.

Taking possession of money someone else has earned, or been given, is abusive even if they are allowing you to do it or you are doing it “for their own good” with the following exceptions.

Do NOT score yourself for this if:
*The amount of money you have taken possession of was small AND it was given to a child who is too young to understand, or be interested in, money.  (Large sums of money should be placed in a savings account for the child unless doing so would result in hardship for the family.  Hardship means not enough money to buy food or pay essential bills – it does NOT mean not enough money for alcohol, a fancy car, or luxury items.)
*The money you have taken is a fair and reasonable amount that is owed to you for board, the other persons share of living expenses, or to repay money they borrowed from you.
*The money you have taken has been placed in a savings account for the other person because they are under the age of consent and you are trying to teach them the habit of saving a portion of their earnings.
*The other person is depositing their money into a joint account and they still have access to it if they want it.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 2. Undermined the other person as a parent or caregiver by shaming or humiliating them in front of the children by yelling at them, criticising them, making jokes at their expense, or doing or saying anything that could encourage the children to see them as weak, stupid, incompetent, ineffectual, powerless or unimportant.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 3. Threatened to report the other person to police, immigration, child protection or some other authority to get them into trouble; threatened to take their children from them or see to it they never see their children again regardless of whether you meant the threat or not.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 4. Tried to isolate the other person by discouraging, sabotaging, or stopping them from getting or keeping a job, going to school or studying, learning the language, using an interpreter or participating in social, religious, or community activities.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 5. Threatened to kill, hurt, or harm yourself if the other person does something you do not want them to do, or does not do something you want them to do, regardless of whether you intended to carry out the threat or not.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 6. Failed to advise the other person you have been unfaithful to them or that you have, or might have, a sexually transmittable disease before having sex with them.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

7. Forcibly silenced the other person by yelling over the top of them so they could not speak, holding a deaf persons hands so they couldn’t sign, or refusing to give them their Blissymbolics board or other essential communication device.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 8. Intimidated the other person by driving dangerously or recklessly with them in the car or forcing them out of the car and abandoning them even if only for a short time.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

 9. Tried to influence the other persons behaviour by threatening to destroy prized possessions, leave them, kick them out of their home, sack them, withdraw financial support or tell people things the other person would prefer to keep private.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

10. Tried to discourage the other person from spending time with anyone else but you by being jealous of their friends, family, or workmates; accusing them of cheating on you or of not caring about you if they spend time with others; making them feel guilty about wanting to spend time with others; starting fights when they have, or try to have, contact with others; trying to stop them from visiting their friends or family or causing trouble between them and their friends or family by criticising, gossiping, telling tales or lying regardless of whether you have good reasons for behaving this way or not.

Never: 0      Once or twice: 5    More than twice: 10

Score for You _______    Score for the Other Person _______

Add up all the scores for yourself then add up all the scores you gave the other person.  You should each have a score somewhere between 0 and 100.

Total score for You ________     Total score for the Other Person ________

Minimum score is 0 and maximum score is 100

When you are ready you may move on to Part Three of the questionnaire.

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