Feeling Overwhelmed

I’m struggling to create a comprehensive resource for people seeking help to stop being abusive because it has taken on a life of its own and has overwhelmed me.

It’s like trying to trace a family tree with abuse as the original parent.  I have three known offspring that I have named verbal, physical and legal but then it gets messy as each of these have offspring.  Some are official but some are kind of unofficial or the equivalent of adopted and foster children.  Some are clearly related but some have no papers despite the fact they look like relatives and are known to be from the same family in some circles.

Every time I work on the resource despair overwhelms me and drives me away.  If I am finding it so overwhelming when it is my own creation and I understand the material so well how on earth can I write it in such a way that it won’t overwhelm someone who is seeing the information for the first time and is trying to learn from it?!

It needs pictures and light relief and ways to make it easy to work through but I don’t know how to give it all of that!

The information section is bad enough but the treatment component is an absolute nightmare!  Apart from deciding which of the many life skills absolutely must be included in the resource there is the question of how to pass the information on in a way that will actually help people.  How do you teach someone life skills when you can’t be there to demonstrate how to do it and monitor whether they have learned it properly for example?

According to UNICEF traditional “information-based” approaches are “generally not sufficient to yield changes in attitudes and behaviours.”  The theory of how adults learn suggests adults need to be able to associate what they are learning with their own experiences and must be able to practise what they are learning for it to be effective.

What good is a website with massive amounts of “information” and no ability to tailor that information so it will fit in with the readers own individual experiences?  How can I ensure people will be able to practise the new behaviours I will be trying to teach them when I won’t be able to demonstrate those behaviours and correct them if they copy them inaccurately?

For a long while I succumbed to despair and quit working on the resource but I never stopped feeling God is asking me to do it so I have begun working on it again.  It seemed impossible when the idea first came to me and it still seems impossible although I think I will actually be able to write it if I don’t give up.  Now it just seems impossible that anyone will ever be able to actually learn from it but I know there is a passage in the Bible somewhere that says nothing is impossible with the Lord.

I don’t believe He would ask me to do something impossible or pointless.  If He wants me to write this thing He must have a use for it.  I’m certain of that.  He brought me to a place where I could even ask people to pray for me to regain the energy and motivation to get back to work on it.  They prayed and I have gone back to work but it continues to be overwhelming and a major struggle.

For now I am just trying to commit to giving it one hour of effort on each of my days off.  If I manage to do more that is a bonus.  I’m trusting God will help me overcome my usual tendency to quit when the going gets too hard but, if anyone reading this is a believer, I would really appreciate your prayers!

In other news – there are no major drama’s in my life at the moment which is just wonderful!

There are changes in my workplace that make work more demanding but I seem to be coping with that.  I am still gambling but I am closer and closer to quitting each time I go as my old attitude towards wasting money that way is beginning to return.  In the meantime I am managing not to lose more money than I can afford.  I am getting on top of my debt and am even starting to save money for the first time in my entire life.  My health is holding up although it has become clear the ankle I broke two years ago will never be the same again thanks to all the hardware in it.

I’m still reclusive and avoid social interactions whenever I can.  I have found a peace that I know people could shatter if I am not careful so I am steering clear and playing safe but my new online addiction is a game that regularly tempts me to be a bit more social with other players.

The game is called Glitch and it only recently opened to the public.  I played it whilst it was in test mode and found it a very soothing, satisfying, pleasant place to spend time.  There are no players trying to kill me or get me to have cyber sex with them.  There is just piggy nibbling, butterfly milking, tree petting and a happy vibe.  I like cute and this game is so cute I am prepared to overlook the slightly seedier, even potentially blasphemous, aspects of it that make it a game that is not suitable for children.  It is not a children’s game but it looks like it should be.  I think it is more about appealing to the inner child in adults so it won’t appeal to everyone but I am enjoying it and my daughter seems to be too.

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