Addictive Personality

I tried to stay off the computer and get plenty of sleep before doing the overnight shift tonight but my back started hurting. I decided I would resist the temptation to play the game I have been playing, however, and do this.

The game is called Well of Souls and people are able to adapt it to create their own “worlds”. One such adaption is called Revolution of Terror. You can download the games and play them on or offline as they are self-contained. Few people play online so most of the time I play alone off line.

Sadly, the weaknesses I have in real life are present there too and I have been gambling. I have been slogging away in RoT trying to win an item called Sakuramba’s katana as part of a quest. The item can only be won in a lottery so I have been fighting monsters to get gold which I then race to the lottery to lose!

I have spent HOURS trying to win this stupid virtual item and I’ve lost millions of virtual dollars only to find I could buy it for a fraction of the cost in an auction the game also has.

So I bought the katana and hurried off to complete the quest only to find the reward was an item I already had! By then I was hooked on the lottery so I collected another 75 thousand gold pieces and went back to try my luck again. Tickets cost a thousand each and there are three rounds with 4 numbers drawn in each round per mini game so it chews up the cash.

The game does not tell you what numbers you have been given so you have to wait for your character to speak up. In round one the script has my character say “I do! I won!” if the number is mine whilst, in round two, it has me say “Victory!” and in round three I say “Hurray! I have number xx!” if I win in that round.

Hmmm. Let me put this entry aside while I go play the lottery and take screenshots of each win to add to this so you can see what I mean. You, the reader, surely want to see – right? It’s got nothing to do with my addiction – has it? Be right back.

OK I am back and I spent every cent I had in the game, again, trying to win lots of stuff. I got a lot of screen shots and one of me winning each round but decided readers would not want to see all of them so I’m adding just the one of me winning in round three which is the hardest round to win in. The value of the prizes goes up each round and that makes it harder to win as the rounds go up.

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Fair dinkum! If I had hacking skills I would hack that game to make myself the winner every time!

The other day I found myself rejoicing over each win as if it was a real life win and I thought this is insane but I kept doing it. I also kept doing little victory dances each time I won lol.

My only consolation is it’s better to indulge my gambling addiction in a game like this than in real life!

Speaking of my gambling addiction. I do seem to have gained some control over it but I haven’t been able to quit completely. My life is boring and going to play the pokies is about as exciting as it gets for me!

I have stuck to only playing 5 lines and have been able to leave without losing the major dollars I used to lose but I think losing anything to gambling is losing too much and I would really like to go back to the way I was!

Lately I have been thinking about cutting back even further and going back to my old gambling habits – play one line only.

The chances of winning anything when you are playing just one line are pretty remote but I won 100 dollars once. Some machines have their own jackpot and I won 750 dollars playing one line on one of those once too. That was how the gambling bug got hold of me in the first place but now I have walked the road to ruin and know how it plays out I shouldn’t head that way again.

It takes me about half an hour to lose 50 dollars when I am playing 5 lines on a 5 cent machine if I don’t win anything at all. If I was playing one line I could have ummm about two and a half hours playing time for the same money and, after losing steadily for two and a half hours, I reckon I’d be killing off the addiction pretty quick!

Before the gambling bug infected me I never used to play to win! I was 100 percent certain winning wasn not possible so I only ever played to pass a bit of time and get free games! I almost always got free games playing one line and, on the rare occasions when I didn’t, I would walk away feeling ripped off.

The fact that I have been able to resist the temptation to play more than 5 lines for months now without any trouble means it is probably safe to have a go at cutting back even further.

I think I am going to be one of the lucky ones who won’t have to give it up completely because I can’t control it no matter what I do.

I still think the industry is a savage, evil, life destroying one that should not be allowed to exist at all and I’d really like to stop supporting it by giving it even one cent of my money but that is a goal I can set later – once I have even more control and less interest because I’ve been playing one line for months and I have forgotten the feeling of winning lol.

I’ve had another little real life win in another area which is even more satisfying. When I went to the wedding last month I fell off the diet with a vengeance!

It was around Easter so there were chocolate eggs galore and I ate them by the bucket load. I ate junk food, good food, any food that was around. I had chocolate, pancakes, Chinese food, chocolate, pizza, big macs, chocolate, cake, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, chips, snacks and did I mention chocolate?

I ate so much at one point my stomach hurt so bad I was tempted to go and throw up to get some relief! I resisted the temptation as my poor teeth have enough to cope with resisting the acid from the gallons of diet coke I drink without subjecting them to the acids in stomach contents. Besides – I hate throwing up!

Needless to say I figured I would put on a bunch of weight and have to start all over again but I got on the scales last night and was delighted to discover I only put one kg on!

I thought I was pigging out but I guess my stomach has shrunk quite a bit because I physically was not able to eat the quantities I used to eat. I was leaving food on the plate – unheard of for me – and refusing desert – also unheard of for me.

There has been a change in me for certain. It was my birthday the other day and my kids offered to bring me a take-away lunch in lieu of breakfast in bed. All I craved was a subway 6 inch salad, no meat, with double tasty cheese! I always used to have foot-long subways but I can’t fit one in any more. I think I was missing the good food the diet supplies me with and a salad subway was the best substitute food in the take-away options that I could think of.

I’m so pleased that I have only gained one kilo that I’m ready to get back on the wagon and carry on with the diet. I still have 5 kilos to lose to reach my initial goal weight. I will still be too heavy at that weight but that weight should ensure no more problems with my meralgia paresthetica.

The condition is almost completely gone already. I had to get out of bed because my back was hurting today. My leg was a bit prickly but there was zero pain in it. Before I lost all the weight I’d have been in so much pain with my leg that I wouldn’t have noticed my back hurting!

Anyway – my holidays are over so it’s back on the diet and back to work. I have an overnight shift tonight as I said earlier so I guess I better try and stock up on a bit more sleep before I start.Or, I could try and get some more game money to play the game lottery while I still can, arrrrghh!

I hate being an addictive personality!

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