Diet Blues

I’m struggling on the diet. It has been 12 weeks now and I’m getting very sick of the food even though it is nice enough. It doesn’t help that they seem to be treating me as a second class customer by giving me bruised fruit, crushed biscuits and items that will be out of date a day after I am supposed to eat them.

I emailed them telling them I have a long way to go yet so I hope the quality will improve.

I’ve cheated on the diet several times but they must have a bit of a fail-safe calorie allowance built in because I’ve continued to lose weight. Now, however, it feels like I have stalled.

Total weight loss as of right now is between 11 and 12 kilos. It goes up and down. Yesterday it was 12 but today it is 11.

Perhaps I have cheated so much I have gone over their allowance and sabotaged the diet.

There is still another seven kilos to lose before my major goal will be achieved and another 22 before I will be at the weight my doctor wants me to aim for.

The problem with my thigh has flared up again which is discouraging and my heart is playing up again too. I am getting little pimples in places I have never had pimples before in my entire life now and it is getting to me.

It makes me wonder why I’m going without all the goodies I used to have almost daily if my health is not benefiting.

Up until recently I was doing remarkably well in some ways. I had not touched a single goodie at work despite the range and variety they have there all the time.

The other night I bought some lollies.  I’m afraid it may be the start of a melt-down in my commitment.
I know the diet is working but the initial delight of being pain free has worn off and now I am focussed on what has not been fixed yet.

I’m the sort of person who makes a pig of herself on things she likes so I have been getting two or three of the same evening meal packs every week. Now I am so sick of that meal it makes me want to throw up when I see it.

I’m getting fussier and fussier about the food and am starting to throw stuff out because I can’t eat it one more time. That is leaving me hungrier than I should be.

I recently broke a tooth too which is making eating uncomfortable so that adds to my fussiness. I can’t afford to see a dentist but I can’t afford not to so I have an appointment for tomorrow.

SIGH

I want to quit the diet so badly I can almost taste the Chinese banquet but I can’t do it. Not yet. I have GOT to get that last 7 kilos off at least. I have to get back to post surgery weight as that is my only hope of getting rid of the pain and numbness in my thigh completely.

The other side of the coin is a subtle change in my appetite. Last night I wanted to order in pizza. I have done that twice since I have been on the diet but, both times, I didn’t like the effects on my body. In the first place I was able to eat way more than I would have expected given that my stomach has shrunk. I just can’t eat as much now but I could still eat too much of the commercial pizza!

In the second place I got heartburn and the runs and felt a little ill afterwards. It was enough to put me off ordering it this time so that was good. I wonder if all this healthy food is spoiling my body so it won’t accept junk now?

My youngest brother is getting married at the end of next month and I am going over there for a week if the bosses grant me the time off to go. I don’t know what I will do about the diet if I am still on it then but I guess I will have to suspend it for that week.

Could be a good thing. I can hang in to the end of next month and tell myself I can pig out while I am away. Then I can go back on the diet when I get home and maybe I will have a fresh commitment to it then.

I hope so. Dieting sucks.

The good thing about this diet is that I have learned about some new, healthier, foods. I have discovered I love yogurt, I don’t need butter on my bread, and now I know what a healthy sized meal serving should be.

No more foot-long Subway subs for me! A 6 inch is more than enough for a meal!

I will stick it out. I have to. Nothing motivates as well as pain and I will be in serious pain again if I don’t get the weight off and keep it off.

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