Weighty Issues

I have bitten the bullet and taken action to lose some weight.  I have no choice.  The pain in my thigh has gotten beyond a joke.

In a previous entry I mentioned I think the pain might be due to having put weight on since I had a tummy tuck.  I don’t have a set of scales at home so I didn’t know what I weigh but, When I went for the breathing tests, she weighed me.

I have gained 15 kilos since the surgery!  My theory about weight gain causing my thigh pain is looking pretty accurate.  I have to try and lose that 15 kilos, at least, to see if the pain goes away.

There is only two ways to lose weight as far as I can see – diet and exercise.  I have tried pills and they don’t work.  The only thing that has ever worked for me is increasing the amount of exercise I do or decreasing the amount of food I eat.

Exercise is not really an option these days with my dodgy knee and the thigh pain so diet is going to have to be the method of choice.

I have signed up with a diet company called Lite and Easy and they are going to supply me with calorie controlled meals and snacks for as long as I want them to.  It starts next week.

I can’t really afford it but I can’t afford to gamble either and I do.  I still haven’t blown out and lost control when gambling but this is more incentive to stop altogether as I have better things to spend my money on.

The company will be supplying me with all my food so I will not have to buy groceries and I will have to give up buying take-aways and going out with my daughter for meals.  I will also have to stop buying the snacks from the machine at work so I might find I will break even provided I stick to the diet.

I have tasted this companies diet food.  A couple of people I know were on this diet and it worked for both of them.  The food was OK and there is a good variety.  The main problem is that once you go off the diet you put the weight back on.

That’s what happened to my friends but this is not about looks for me.  The pain in my leg can be so bad I have to take painkillers and it is driving me nuts.  If losing the weight gets rid of the pain I will be making certain I don’t regain the weight ever again of that you can be sure!  It’s just getting it off that will be hard.

Now that I know I have gained 15 kilos I can’t help wondering if that is to blame for some of the other things I am suffering from.

The aches and pains in my back, knees and feet may well be due to them being forced to carry all this weight around and not be due to the hormonal changes of menopause after all.

Pain is a very good incentive.  I plan to stick to this diet like glue.  I always used to love lying around in bed on my time off and I can’t do it any more.  My thigh starts to hurt so bad I have to get up.  Whenever I am tempted to fall off the diet I will remember how much more comfortable life was before the meralgia-paresthetica pain began!

I hate being like this!  Struggling with addictions to nicotine and gambling and constantly being forced to think about my health.  It makes me feel old!  I never wanted to listen to all those old people talking about their health and operations when I was young and I do NOT want to BE one of those people now I am older!

Speaking of the gambling – I am losing interest in it I think.  I am able to stick to my five line limit and that, of course, reduces the likelihood of winning anything.  I watch the way the machine gives wins on the lines I am not playing and it makes me feel sour towards the machine owners.

It feels like they have the machines set up to try and lure me into playing all the lines.  When I played more lines the wins didn’t come up – they only come up when I am not playing those lines!

My old resentment towards the machines for taking my money is slowly starting to come back.

I used to play just one line!  I would put a dollar in, maybe two or three, play one line and stop when the money was gone.  I would be totally disgusted with the machine for taking my money if it did not give me some free spins.  I wasn’t looking to win in those days.  I just played to get free spins.

Some of my old ways of thinking about the slot machines are slowly starting to come back.  I regularly think about going to play which is not what I used to do, of course, but now I often feel the same way I used to – completely uninterested in giving them any of my money.

I’m no longer having to resist the urge to go and play because, more often than not, I don’t want to lose any money so I dismiss the idea without any problems.

Ever since I realised my bank account was telling the real truth about my gambling I have been able to stick to a 50 dollar limit on how much I lose in a session.

I had savings before I started gambling and I lost every cent.  I won some jackpots but those wins did not appear in my bank account making them illusions as far as I can see.

If I had ever really won a cent I would still have had savings!  I no longer believe you can genuinely win on the slot machines so I’m unwilling to play more than 50 dollars at a time now.

My refusal to lose the 50 fast means I no longer get those illusory wins and I am starting to begrudge even the 50.  I’m reaching a point where I am considering reducing the limit to 20 and, now that I have the new expense of the diet food, I think I will do it.

I turned a corner a while ago as I said in a previous entry.  When I wrote that entry I wasn’t sure it would last but it has.  I have stayed in control of my gambling addiction and my control seems to be strengthening.  Every time I play I walk away less interested in playing again and I strongly believe I am not far away from giving up the pokies completely.

There is another battle ahead of me I know that.  I’m being forced to think about my health now and that means my nicotine addiction is becoming an issue.  I’m not ready to fight that battle.  Not yet but I sense the time is coming when I will have to give up smoking.

I plan to take things one at a time though.  I will worry about the smoking after I beat the pokie addiction and get rid of the weight!

Every time you take on a challenge and win you grow stronger.  If I am able to win my battles with gambling and food I may be strong enough to quit smoking by then too.

Only time will tell.

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