Trying Again

It has been six days since I last gambled and five days since I saw the gambling counsellor for the second time.  The days have passed quickly and I have not been tempted to go to a gambling venue at all so far.

My children both came to the counselling session with me and they were asked to say how my gambling affects them.  They both said they worry about me but my daughter said it with tears in her eyes and it hurts to know I am hurting them.

We explored the reasons why I gamble.  The counsellor said most problem gamblers fall into the trap of trying to get back money they have already lost but that is not the main reason for me.  I am a night person and I am wide awake, hungry, and looking for something fun to do at two or three in the morning when I am not working.  There is no place else to go at 2am that offers fun, food, something to do outside the house and security staff to keep you safe.

These gambling venues are open seven days a week until five or six in the morning and they have food, drink, company, canned music and security staff.  It comes down to that for me.  The venues are somewhere to go when I feel like going somewhere to have a bit of fun.

They are not fun though.  Not for me.  Nor for any compulsive gambler.

The last time I went it really highlighted what a rip-off those machines are.

I have a drawn a line in the sand for my gambling.  I am a very stubborn person in those situations.  I have got it in my head that I absolutely will not play all the lines on a machine.  I have tried playing all the lines and all that happens is the machine stops spinning winning combinations on those extra lines.  When I play twice as many lines I lose my money twice as fast so I am determined not to do it.

The last time I played the machine spun winning combinations for the minor jackpot on lines I was not playing FIVE TIMES!  The frustration was intense and so was my anger.  Until now those particular machines used to give the minor jackpot on ten line combinations all the time.  I might miss the first win but I would get it the next time for certain.  Not any more.  It’s consistent now.  I always miss it at least two or three times.

That means I am losing as much money as I would have lost if I were playing all the lines anyway.

I really cannot handle the frustration of seeing the wins come up on lines I am not playing any more but I absolutely refuse to let those greedy mongrels force me into playing all the lines.  I am 100 percent certain the machines are programmed to let winning combinations come up on the lines that are not being played so players will want to play more lines.  I am 200 percent certain those winning combinations would not come up if I were playing all the lines.  I am 300 percent certain I will not be suckered into playing all the lines!

I am throwing a tantrum now.  I am on the floor kicking my feet and screaming NO!  I won’t do it!  I won’t, I won’t, I won’t.  The choices both stink.  Cave in to the pressure the machines are putting on me or put up with the frustration of missing out when I resist.  I’m so angry about it all that the third option looks like the best one to me now – quit playing altogether.

My deadline to quit was the day of my second gambling counselling session anyway so this has all worked out well.

I’m not going back.  I’m sick to the back teeth of seeing wins come up on lines I am not playing.  I watch people who play all the lines and the wins simply do not come up at all for them!  They always get less free games than me and they lose twice as much twice as fast as I do too!  I’m determined I will NOT play all the lines to get wins that I know will stop coming as soon as I try to get them!

It’s not fun any more it really isn’t.  It just makes me feel angry, frustrated, cheated and ripped off.  That is not fun.  It’s not fun seeing my daughter cry or my son look so worried either.

My next appointment with the gambling counsellor is a month away.  My goal is to be able to tell her I have not put one cent into a slot machine since I last saw her.

The whole gambling industry is a major rip-off.  Everyone knows it.  It’s rigged, and we all know its rigged, to ensure the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.

I’m sick to the back teeth of FEELING ripped-off now so that’s it for me.  I’m done being a sucker and I really do mean it this time!